I dream a lot about childhood. I'm not sure what I dreamt about last night, but I was haunted all day by that wistful, bittersweet, regret-laden feeling that can only mean a Nostalgia Attack.
It's worse in the summertime, and today felt like summer. All of those carefree hours exploring the countryside or just getting comfortable on my bed and dreaming. You get to remembering the good times on a day like today, and you get to asking yourself, what exactly is my life right now? A frenzied rush in the office all day and a dark, quiet apartment in the evenings. Wow, is adulthood ever what anybody expects it to be?
I guess I felt sad today. As sometimes happens, I have something that is really bothering me at the moment. Part of the Nostalgia Attack is that all of these tense, ambivalent feelings get wrapped up into one tight and fiery but also very broad and sweeping emotion. You can't talk yourself out of it, you just feel it. On nights like this, I want to get in the car and run away and keep on driving. But I know that, no matter how far or fast I go, I won't ever get there. You really can't go home again. So, sometimes it's best to just browse old YouTube videos for a while, until you can fall asleep, and hope that you feel better tomorrow. Wish me luck.